Life-altering commitment: Is parenthood in your cards?

SHAH ALAM - Raising a child demands dedicated commitment, energy, mental resilience, and thorough research from reliable sources to ensure their well-being.

If parents were not prepared for this responsibility, it was crucial to reconsider having children.

Siti, who prefers to remain anonymous, is one of a couple embracing the childfree lifestyle.

She emphasised that, from her perspective, having children is not just a blessing but also a significant responsibility that all parents should be aware of and the children must be righteously raised.

“It takes all time, the energy, the proper mental capacity and the knowledge. If none of this can be fulfil, consider being childfree,” she said when contacted recently.

With over 13 years of experience as a preschool teacher, Siti highlighted that parents often express feeling drained daily, struggling to manage household and childcare duties and facing the financial strain of school fees.

Parenthood comes with responsibilities such as caring for sick children, which depletes savings and requires working parents to sacrifice their annual leave to provide necessary care.

She emphasised that parenthood is a challenging journey requiring significant sacrifices in terms of finances, time and energy to ensure a child's well-being.

Siti expressed that choosing a childfree lifestyle was a deeply personal decision that she carefully considered.

She believes that happiness and fulfilment could be found in different ways, and for her, the freedom and independence of being childfree are crucial contributors to her overall happiness.

“Not having children doesn't mean I dislike them. I love spending time with my nieces and nephews. My choice is about what works best for my lifestyle and personal goals.

“These are just some common issues that influence my decision to a childfree marriage. Being childfree aligns with my personal values and life goals in several meaningful ways,” she added.

Meanwhile, a couple who preferred to remain anonymous stressed that parenthood requires significant sacrifices, viewing raising children as an act of altruism and sacrifice.

“I often hear from parents about how they don’t expect much from children and their children don’t visit them, don’t take care of them, or something along those lines.

“If the reason you want to have kids is so that someone will care for you when you are old, then we’re on a pretty slippery slope. That should never be the reason for having kids,” the couple said when contacted recently.

They added that parents shouldn't expect anything in return from their children as no one asked to be born.

The husband mentioned his health condition, expressing certainty it would be passed on to his offspring if he chose to have children.

Reflecting deeply, he questioned whether others in his position would want to subject their children to such a condition.

He believed the answer would overwhelmingly be no, especially considering the challenges faced by children with conditions like autism.

He found it heartbreaking for both the parents and the children, particularly concerning who would care for these children once their parents were no longer able to.

"Think deeply before having children just because everyone else is. Consider if you have the financial stability to provide the best for your child.

“Do you possess the traits and qualities necessary to be a good parent? Are you prepared to make the sacrifices required to nurture your child's growth?

“Additionally, are there health conditions in your family that could impact your child's well-being?

"If so, are you ready to take on the added responsibility of caring for a child with health challenges? Have you invested in building a strong relationship with your spouse to withstand the complexities that come with raising children?” the couple added.

They further highlighted that many people who might not be suited to raising children become parents nonetheless and these children would ultimately become the workforce of the future.

They suggested that the decision to have children should not be taken lightly and if someone has doubts, it's best not to have kids.

Meanwhile, another woman who chose to be childfree, Rose Farhan said that she observes many parents around her who were not financially prepared for children and, in some cases, even neglected them.

“Bringing kids into poverty is a crime, vent your unsolved problems, traumas to kids are evil,” she said when contacted recently.

Therefore, she emphasised that she did not want to become one of those parents and would not take the risk just because of societal expectations to experience parenthood.