The childfree choice: Balancing freedom, career and fulfilment?

SHAH ALAM – Marriage, a major life event for many, has traditionally meant starting a family and raising children.

However, in today's society, more couples are choosing not to have children – now known as childfree.

This decision reflects a shift where people prioritise personal freedom, career goals, and finding fulfilment in their relationships.

In one post on social media platform Instagram on June 10, content creator Dr Shazril Shaharuddin or better known as Dr Say, addressed the growing popularity of the ‘childfree concept’ in Malaysia.

"When I read about this topic, I was taken aback. Are there really people who marry but don't want children? I thought the purpose of marriage was to have children," he said.

Dr Shazril further shared his personal experience, revealing that he and his wife faced four and a half years of marriage without children due to infertility until they reached a point of acceptance and prioritised peace amidst their trials.

He said at that time, they appreciated the ease of travel, financial savings, leisure activities like Netflix and playing games and the ability to sleep in without parental responsibilities.

However, Dr Shazril said they also acknowledged societal pressures regarding parenthood, such as the joy of having biological offspring.

"When our first child, Ace, was born, we struggled because we were accustomed to and had long enjoyed life as a couple.

“Looking back now, with the challenges of current life, some working two jobs a day, there is hardly any time for oneself, let alone for family," he added.

He stressed economic constraints, questioning whether it is fair to raise a child if one cannot afford it.

Yet, upon experiencing parenthood, Dr Shazril found unexpected joy and love beyond imagination when their children rushed to greet him after work.

Meanwhile, gynaecologist Dr Muhammad Izzat Abdul Razak said children are both a source of happiness and a test of resilience.

“In my opinion, whether to have children or not depends entirely on the couple themselves, whether they are emotionally, physically and financially ready," he said in an Instagram post.

Dr Izzat stressed that many newlywed couples sought contraception advice, either because they were not ready for children or had personal reasons for not wanting to conceive.

He emphasised that marriage should not solely be for the purpose of having children, as there were numerous reasons people marry.

He cited societal norms where women typically desire motherhood but reiterated that each person's journey and priorities were unique.

Dr Izzat said that every decision, whether to have children or be childfree, should be respected without judgment. He urged support for individuals in their chosen paths, emphasising that there was no winner or loser in these decisions.

He also encouraged mature and harmonious discussions on the topic of childfree living, inviting netizens to share their perspectives and reasons for supporting or opposing the concept.

The issue had sparked various opinions, with some agreeing and others disagreeing with the doctors' statements.

@Nazathulshima91 said "I want to have children but haven't been blessed with them yet please pray for me. Aamiin.

@Jooann304 commented "Among Chinese, no one has kids in their 20s anymore. Everyone has kids in their 30s.

@Thelennyrahman said “A child is a blessing. But a lot of people forget that a child is also a trust (amanah) and it's a very heavy responsibility. If a couple feels that they're not financially and emotionally ready or capable of having children, then it's their right to choose not to bring an innocent child into this world, who might be neglected. It's not fair to the child."

@Maya Kamarulzaman stressed "I disagree with the above due to mental health reasons, whether the child is neglected or not loved. I have an anxiety disorder, diagnosed before marriage and I also thought I would be a bad and unkind mother."

@aliasanudin said "I support the childfree concept because I am a teacher. I have seen many children neglected because parents are not prepared to have children, whether financially, mentally, or in parenting knowledge. It breaks my heart to see my students facing various tragedies and abuses at such a young age."

@atiehapie commented that "It's a loss to not have children, because righteous children can pray for their parents."

@adzrul_ariff: "I do not oppose people choosing childfree because everyone has their reasons. But like me, as small and as big as the challenges faced when having children, it comes with many sweet and maturing moments. So, if given the choice to reset and choose again, I would still choose to have the children I have now."