How to deal with "tough" children
Each time I host a Q&A session, I get asked questions on how to handle tough children. Some complain that their child is overly active, they randomly throw things, they run here and there and are unable to sit still during meals.
Others have children who would climb on just about anything - the sofa, wall, refrigerator. There are also parents who are quick to jump to conclusions by claiming that their child shows symptoms of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Before that, I would like to share some interesting facts about tough children that many parents may not know:
1. Tough or energetic children belong to the category of body-smart or kinesthetically intelligent! But they are always misunderstood as hyperactive/ADHD
2. They have a lot of energy and a strong immune system. In other words, this child has an incredible body resistance! As far as hitting the wall, falling down the stairs, tripping over a rock - they should be fine.
3. Unfortunately, they may be weak in terms of self-control, tantrums may be frequent and they are difficult to control.
4. Tough / energetic children constantly needs emotional support and repeated reminders to help build good self-control.
So what exactly is the right mindset and what can we do to handle tough children, without feeling stressed out?
LET THEM BE ACTIVE
Activities that involve movements are especially important for a resilient child. It helps children channel their extra energy and release stress at the same time.
But for working parents who have less time to spare for outdoor activities with their children, they can set up a special place indoors, where kids can release their energy just the same.
Set up a room with pillowcases, balloons, boxes, chairs, a ladder and more. This way, the children can climb, have pillow fights, wrestle, play pretend, play hide-and-seek and more.
To top it off, play some music in the background to they can get it grooving and dance along to the tune. Listening to music is another good therapy for tough kids.
GIVE RESPONSIBILITY
When you think your child is ready to take on some responsibilities, you can delegate simple tasks to them like washing the car, sweeping the floor, wipe the windows.
Children are very fond of helping with house chores that require movements - plus they will become very hands-on in the future if this is cultivated from the beginning.
This is a great way to help kids channel their energy towards something that will benefit them in the future. In addition, it forms self-confidence and they will learn about self-control.
SPORTS ACTIVITIES
Did you know that some of the world’s greatest athletes were super active kids in their younger days? As parents, we shouldn’t kill their energy.
Besides things like house chores, get them busy with sports activities! You never know, they might just be the next Pocket Rocketman!
LIMIT SCREEN TIME
Many studies have shown that excessive screen time can form an aggressive behaviour in children, even if the content they watch contains no violence.
Children who watch excessive TV, gadgets or video games, are found to have difficulty listening to instructions, focusing, they also tend to act violently and they lack good self-control.
ALLOW THEM TO GET DIRTY
Let the children play in the rain, play with dirt, on the grass, or even let them climb trees. As I told you earlier, children who are tough actually have a high body resistance. Don't be paranoid if they fall or mildly hurt themselves, because they should be able to handle the pain.
MAKE A DAILY ROUTINE SCHEDULE
Tough children find it difficult to tolerate other people's time. Because of that, they need a schedule. Set a time schedule for them to be active, and time for them to unwind.
Remember to be firm and consistent in sticking to the routine. It will be a challenge in the beginning but kids are fast learners.
FIND A KINDERGARTEN/SCHOOL THAT UNDERSTANDS CHILDREN'S NEEDS
Finding a school that understands the needs of your child is crucial. Discuss with teachers on allowing the child to play and be active (even run!) in between classes as they truly need it. Forcing them to sit still for hours won’t do them any good.
BONDING TIME BEFORE SLEEP
Bedtime is usually when kids are at their most calm state, so this is the perfect time to bond with them.
Studies have shown that children who get bonding time with parents have better self-control and listen to instructions better.
Every night before bed, read them a story book or have a chat with them.
REDUCE SUGAR IN CHILDREN'S FOOD AND DRINKS
The high sugar content, especially in processed foods, makes the child more energetic and difficult to control. We are what we eat, right? Lessen the sugar and focus more on feeding them well-balanced healthy meals.
PROVIDE ACTIVITIES THAT STIMULATES THEIR SENSES
Again, getting a child to sit still for a while may be difficult. Most parents resort to the easy way out by turning on gadgets to distract them. If possible, let the gadgets be the absolutely last option.
Choose activities that will encourage them to stimulate their motor and intellectual skills.
For example at meal times in public places, you can give them colouring books or figurines to play with.
Other times, let them play with plasticine, have them solve puzzles, do simple science experiments, or try getting them involved with cooking!
Remember, your children being super energetic is not always a bad thing. The trick is to allow them to channel that energy in positive, productive ways. Good luck parents, may your "tough" child make you proud someday.
Adlil Rajiah is a parenting author, speaker, and managing director at Haikal Parenting Management.
