The grief that comes with the loss of a spouse
There was a brief moment of hesitation before approaching Yassif Nagim, husband of the late Didie Nasir for an interview. It will be almost one year since cancer devastatingly took the life of his wife, who was a well-known figure in the local fashion and beauty industry.
Didie was one-half of Dida, a cosmetics brand which she co-founded with Tengku Chanela Jamidah Ibrahim.
Asking someone to open up about their experience of losing a loved one isn’t easy as the topic of death is a hard pill to swallow. But Yassif was kind and accommodating in answering questions that were given to him. It surely isn’t easy – no amount of words can translate the magnitude of pain felt by the ones who are left behind.
Didie lost her battle to stage four colon cancer on March 24 last year. Her story touched many hearts, more so her followers on social media who she regularly shared updates with. From her writings in her post, one could easily tell she was a fighter through and through.
The pair had known each other for about 17 years, and have been married for 11. After Didie passed away, Yassif would often reminisce on his late wife and share heartwarming stories of her in his Instagram posts.
There was an excerpt from his posts that stuck to mind which he wrote to mark what would have been their 12th year anniversary.
He explained that in the last six years of their marriage before she died, they were very much in sync as a couple.
“Our bond was so strong. Alignment in thinking, so much so that we knew what each other was going to say. Knowing what to do without speaking. That kind of bond you see in very old couples that have been married for decades.
“We always imagined ourselves to grow old together. But alas, Allah knows best. At least she and I got to a level where we were literally one, to the very end.
“When you’ve been together for that long, they become a part of you. I’ve come to learn that you have to live with grief. I’ve settled down with the fact that it’s for life, it’s not just going to go away," he told Sinar Daily via a phone interview.
When the doctors broke the news that it was the big C, it was obviously emotionally challenging for Didie, himself and family members.
“It was difficult to wrap my head around it. As a husband, you try to hide those feelings and you want to be strong but that sort of broke me.
“So, what helped was talking to Didie about it. People don’t want to have difficult conversations but honesty and being transparent about how we felt really helped,” he said.
Today, in other circumstances, Yassif said he is doing okay, keeping himself busy with work which includes running Dynamics Inc, a company he set up with Didie in 2019.
“I’m still running the company but with Didie gone, I have to run it differently. Eventually we’ll come back to where Didie had wanted it to go,” he said.
LOOKING BACK
Cancer is like an advanced warning from God, saying that He might take them away. But at least you get that advanced warning, said Yassif.
Caring for a loved one who was terminal was by far the most challenging thing he has ever faced.
“But as difficult as it is for you, you have to remember that that person is dying and you can’t take it out on them. That seems obvious but it’s not easy to practice.
“From a practical point of view, even though that person is dying, they still have some time to live so don’t treat them as if they are dying.
“Don’t look at them sad faced all the time as though you’re watching them die. You have to try to live that life. They don’t want to feel like they are dying otherwise they will just sit there, waiting to die,” he said.
In the events that led up to Didie’s discovery on cancer, Yassif recalled that she wasn’t able to pass motion for some time.
After various consultations which led to surgeries to remove a growth - it was there that the doctors broke the news that it was cancer. By then, the cancer had already spread to her liver.
Didie and Yassif share two sons together, Mikhael Zedni, 11, and Ezekiel Zedni, who recently turned eight.
