Your child is yours; do not let others decide what you want to do with your children, and be proud of yourself.
A lot of young mothers are suffering in silence from being shamed and judged for their parenting styles. Modern parenting styles are often in question by the elderly, and often times the criticism are aimed towards the mothers only.
For example, how long a mother breastfeeds her child, if she chooses to work or stay at home, and more.
Suzana Ghazali, a family psychologist and sharia law consultant, agreed that our society is often forced to hold onto the words and views of the elderly, even though most things are outdated, irrelevant, and no longer suitable for today's advanced age.
She also shared her experience of being in this situation after giving birth to her first child more than 20 years ago.
"I admit that at the beginning there was a little pressure, but I planted it in myself. Everything I practise is based on the knowledge I get from health experts, either formally or informally through reading.
"Adhering to that belief, I kept my firstborn for only 30 days in the village, my second child for only two weeks, and my third and fourth children at home. Alhamdulillah, I am still healthy without any health problems, and my children are also healthy, even though there are my ways that are disputed by the birth mother and old people around.
"I share my own experience in the hopes of being able to be a motivation for young mothers who may be experiencing emotional stress right now," she told Sinar Daily.
She further shared a few steps for all mothers to remember.
Firstly, times are changing. She said that there are many things that have improved from the old way of life. Not everything that people used to do is now mandatory for us to do.
"So you, as a modern mother and woman in a sophisticated world, now need to have confidence in yourself.
"To create that confidence, one must master knowledge. Only with knowledge will you know to what extent you need to follow what the old people say, or should you just ignore it?" she asked.
With that confidence as well, she further added that you will not be easily belittled or be easily influenced by your mind to disturb your own emotions.
Secondly, every woman is different, even though we have the same body and organs. Not all mothers are given the opportunity to breastfeed their babies on their own, even though they have tried in various ways.
"The important thing is that your baby continues to breastfeed even if you use formula milk. There is still a way to create a close relationship with the baby when breastfeeding using formula milk, not just by breastfeeding alone. That's why the pillar is mastering knowledge."
Thirdly, the needs are different now, and she asked everyone to be aware that the value of money is not the same now, not only when compared to the last 20 years but even the last two years.
"Before this, RM50 was enough to buy kitchen items for a week. Now just for a meal a day. So with these different needs, mothers can still work. Even by working and having to temporarily leave a small child with another woman, you have provided employment opportunities and income to other mothers as well.
She further added that for mothers who still feel guilty about looking in the mirror,
"Who do you see? Surely you see yourself, right? So believe in yourself!
"This is your life! Not someone else's life. Why let others decide the direction and future of your life? You are the one who conceived and gave birth; why do you need to let others decide your future? Please respect yourself.
"Please be proud of yourself. Only you have the right to create your own happiness, not others."
Happy Mother’s Day!